In my experience of bereavement most of us fit into each class at different stages of our grief.
Initially the shock and agony of loss numb us. We are not able to move out of this state, and I don’t believe we should be forced to try and change too soon. Neither should we feel guilty that we are stuck, we’ve suffered terrible trauma and recovery takes a great deal of time and effort. How much time and how much effort is an individual thing. It only becomes a problem when we are too stubborn or too scared to venture beyond our pain to seek the relief that eventually leads to finding ourselves once more. We may feel that progress means disloyalalty to the memory of our loved children and siblings, but affirming our lives does not equal denying theirs. On the contrary, the way we choose to live from now on should be in glowing honour of those we’ve lost.
How to achieve this stage, how to find the help to move, becomes the next hurdle. There are scores of ways: counselling, reading, meditation, prayer, communicating, engaging, are some of them. Whatever works effectively for you is right for YOU. None of these aids is exclusive, what is fine now may not be appropriate later, and there is no harm or shame in rejecting and seeking anew if that’s what you need. The most important factor is that you are open to learning about grief and prepared to tackle the effort it takes to manage both sorrow and recovery. The thing is do not remain the perpetual student, recognize the time to graduate.
Once you’ve reached that level you are a mover. You may never become active in counselling but the very proofs of your courage, patience, determination and strength are an inspiration to others. Your experience and non-judgmental kindness are unbelievably encouraging to those who now stand where once you did, uncomprehending of their situation and unable to accept that they and that situation can and will change. In that quiet way you too are the heroes and heroines of TCF.
The Compassionate Friends
Information about the Compassionate Friends and how to participate in its services
We are a Charity Organization and our aim is to help bereaved parents cope with their loss. Our services are free of charge for the first year. (Star ting from the first time you made contact with us at TCF). Thereafter if you would like to continue participating in our activities, we ask for a fee (Subscription) of R250 per annum That would include receiving Newsletters, birthday and anniversary cards.
- You can also sponsor a page in our Newsletter at R100 per page or R50 per half page.
- A Love Gift can be any amount of money you would like to donate in memory of your child.
- We are looking forward to your participation in putting together our Newsletters by writing your own story. Send your story to TCF at the beginning of the month and we will do our best to publish it. We would like to support you in your grief journey. Writing brings healing.
- Contact any of our Counsellors for one-to-one sessions.
If you know of any organization (schools, hospitals, work places) that would benefit from our services at TCF, please inform them about our work. Often people do not know what to say or do or how they can help someone who has lost a child or a sibling. Our contact details are in the Newsletter.
THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS
We are a Charity Organization and or aim is to help bereaved parents cope with their loss. Our services are free of charge for the first year. (Starting from the first time you made contact with us at TCF). Thereafter if you would like to continue participating in our activities, we ask for a fee (Subscription) of R250 per annum That would include receiving Newsletters, birthday and anniversary cards.